I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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