im six kinds of drunk right now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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