I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
