the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
