Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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