Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
