It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
