so that wasnt chicken after all
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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