If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
