so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize