i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
