I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
