I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize