Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
