So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
