I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
