Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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