dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize