Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
