Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
