i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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