Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize