You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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