im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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