here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
