Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
