ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
