stop calling my apartment porn island.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
