Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
