That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
