Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
