Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
