I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
