I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
