How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
