Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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