Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
