Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
