no, he came in my armpit
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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