So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The air taste purple.
Randomize
