I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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