She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
