i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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