My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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