What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
