look no pants
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
