Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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