Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
