I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
