she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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