Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my sisters under your porch take her home
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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