roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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