You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
