I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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