remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
