and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
