since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
