Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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