he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
