you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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