I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
